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I'm happy not conforming to what society wants me to be

It’s nice to meet you, my name is Rachel and I’m 35 years old. I'm an out and proud lesbian getting married in October to the most angelic woman I know, my best friend Marie. 

I don’t have much of a coming out story other than, apparently, my mom and friends knew WAY before I did, lol. But nonetheless, I wanna share what being a lesbian means to me.

My sexuality is empowering to me. I am who I am. I love who I love, and I refuse to conform to who society wants me to be and who they want me to be in a relationship with. This epiphany was a very long fight I had within myself. I identified as bisexual most of my life and I did date men. I wanted to be accepted by people. I didn’t want people to hate me. 

But after a long time of internal lies, depression, suicidal thoughts and even attempts, I came to the very eye-opening conclusion that I CANNOT and will not be able to make the world (and myself) happy when I’m sitting here living a lie. That it hurts the people I am dating and most importantly, it hurts me.

This sexuality battle I had lasted for three years. Many anti-depressants were taken, stints in psych wards were had, and tears were shed. But I finally know who I am. I know who I love, and ever since I came out as a lesbian, my confidence and views of people in general are better. Plus, in the back of my mind, I’m a bit guilty of snickering at the judgmental stares my fiancé and I get when we are in public. I joke, telling her that their hatred empowers me, hehe.

 

-Rachel Jackson

 

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